I’m going to skip over the life story on this one, because it’s not important, and you don’t care anyway. The short version is this: I used to pretend to be a jealous asshole, because that’s what worked. That’s what people expected, and for some fucking reason, that’s what the ladies wanted. Eventually, I got tired of it. I don’t particularly like moderating my behavior for the benefit of other people, so I guess it was inevitable that I would drop the pretense sooner or later.
I’m an asshole, make no mistake, but I’m not jealous. Not even the tiniest little bit. People always try to tell me things like “jealousy is universal” or “everyone gets jealous” and I want to slap them in their stupid faces (see? Asshole) for putting their own bullshit on the whole human race. I literally do not care if my girlfriend is sleeping with someone else. (She is, by the way, more than one.) Pretty hypocrite I’d be if I did, considering how often I’ve slept with other people’s girlfriends.
Which brings me to the part where I talk about why you should open your relationships. Even you do get jealous (and you probably do), you should still have an open relationship, because it’s not doing any good. Probably the opposite of good, in fact. If this is the part where you expect me to go into polyamory being more fulfilling and everyone getting their needs met and that sort of thing, you’re wrong. This is the part where I lay down some cold, ugly pragmatism: I will fuck your girlfriend. Read the rest of this entry »