All Good Things
Posted by Rystefn on April 27, 2009
Given that my readership has most likely fallen away to zero at this point, there’s little point in making this post, I think. Still, here it is.
If you’re wondering where I’ve been this last month and change, it will likely come as no surprise that my time has been steadily invested in being around a certain attractive woman. Sadly, it seems this chapter of my life is coming to a close. She the usual meaningless speech about how it’s not me, it’s her, complained about my inability to read her mind and magically know what she wants at any given time… the usual things. She pretended she wasn’t seeing someone else, and I pretended to believe her, then I left so she could get ready for her date tonight.
She said we could give it another try later, or somesuch, insisting the she loves me still. She asked me wait, knowing what has happened in my life. Knowing how long I tortured myself in the vain hope that my wife would come back, she asked me to wait. Once, I was in love so deeply that when the woman in question suggested I move across the country to live with her near her family, I quit my job. I saw her to the airport, when she traveled ahead to make things ready. She said she would call when it was time for me to follow. I waited in my apartment, with all my belongings in boxes, until the police had to come and forcibly evict me. I still haven’t unpacked most of it. You may not have known this, but she did. Knowing the torment I’ve been through (yes, that I put myself through, but still), she asked me to wait again. It was the most intentionally hurtful thing I’ve ever been told in a breakup.
Do you know what the worst part is? Much as she made me happy, and as much as I enjoyed spending time with her, and as alone as I feel tonight – I felt just as alone last night. It hurts that she’s gone, but not so much more than it hurt when we were together.
I guess I never really started caring again after I lost my Dove. I just starting faking it better… even to myself.