The Last Road

Living every day like it's the last… because one day, it will be.

All Good Things

Posted by Rystefn on April 27, 2009

Given that my readership has most likely fallen away to zero at this point, there’s little point in making this post, I think. Still, here it is.

If you’re wondering where I’ve been this last month and change, it will likely come as no surprise that my time has been steadily invested in being around a certain attractive woman. Sadly, it seems this chapter of my life is coming to a close. She the usual meaningless speech about how it’s not me, it’s her, complained about my inability to read her mind and magically know what she wants at any given time… the usual things. She pretended she wasn’t seeing someone else, and I pretended to believe her, then I left so she could get ready for her date tonight.

She said we could give it another try later, or somesuch, insisting the she loves me still. She asked me wait, knowing what has happened in my life. Knowing how long I tortured myself in the vain hope that my wife would come back, she asked me to wait. Once, I was in love so deeply that when the woman in question suggested I move across the country to live with her near her family, I quit my job. I saw her to the airport, when she traveled ahead to make things ready. She said she would call when it was time for me to follow. I waited in my apartment, with all my belongings in boxes, until the police had to come and forcibly evict me. I still haven’t unpacked most of it. You may not have known this, but she did. Knowing the torment I’ve been through (yes, that I put myself through, but still), she asked me to wait again. It was the most intentionally hurtful thing I’ve ever been told in a breakup.

Do you know what the worst part is? Much as she made me happy, and as much as I enjoyed spending time with her, and as alone as I feel tonight – I felt just as alone last night. It hurts that she’s gone, but not so much more than it hurt when we were together.

I guess I never really started caring again after I lost my Dove. I just starting faking it better… even to myself.

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6 Responses to “All Good Things”

  1. Kay said

    Sorry that you are hurting.

    I hope that the end of this chapter will lead the way for a new (better) chapter.

    Sending you happy hopeful thoughts.

  2. Rystefn said

    I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you.

  3. erin said

    found my way over from greg laden’s. sorry to hear about the hurt. for what it’s worth, i think the whole thing with he you and duwayne got out of hand.

    also, i can relate to this. it hurts in a way you can’t put a finger on. i found that once i forgot about all this love business, and started making irresponsible choices and having a lot of fun, i felt much better. someday, if it’s right, someone will make me happy. same goes for you. i won’t even think about it unless i stumble on it.

  4. Rystefn said

    I’ve been making irresponsible choices and having fun my whole life. It’s the only way I know how to be. I’ve been happy with a lot of people in my life, and I’ll likely keep doing so as long as it lasts… but I love hard and deep, and it hurts terribly every time I lose one.

    What can I say? I sing like I sing when no one’s listening, dance how I dance when no one’s watching, and I love like I’ve never been hurt before. There’s a reason for the subtitle I put on this blog.

  5. erin said

    sounds fearless.

  6. Rystefn said

    Yeah… I’m damaged that way.

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