The Last Post
Posted by Rystefn on September 27, 2008
I am dictating this post to my very close friend, Sabrina. She didn’t want me to say anything, but I insisted. I’m stubborn that way, I suppose. The pain has been increasing drastically of late, and my fine motor control suffers greatly. It’s been all I could do to post a few short comments today, and I could not make this post on my own. If there are any mistakes, please do not hold her accountable, they are my own and not hers.
I apologize for my absence lately… I could blame the hurricane, but that would be dishonest. It was the smallest part. I have been a coward trying to avoid facing the reality of what is happening to me. I have outlived expectations by almost a month at this point, probably more through stubbornness than anything else. I cannot expect it to last much longer. I’m no doctor, so I won’t hazard to guess how long I have, but I do not imagine it to be long. I am in pain to the point that even breathing is a chore and a struggle. I cannot trust by body to follow instructions and cannot rely on it to even walk more than a few step at a time without aid. My vision is unreliable, at best.
I want you all to know that you’re very important to me. So very many of you have helped me through this terrible time, and I owe you more than I can say. It seems so wrong, after the life I’ve led, that I’ll almost certainly die in my bed. I’d like to thank those of you who followed my request to do something new and to tell me about it. It warms my heart to know you’re not all so lost to the world that you can’t shake free for at least a moment. In recognition of this, I’m going to take a break from tradition, and respond to your last requests. Ask and I’ll do whatever I am actually physically capable of accomplishing. All requests are honored within my limited capacities. Not I didn’t say “within reason.” I don’t gives a damn about reason. Keep in mind that I not long ago spent a rather large sum of money on an extravagant present for someone, so if your request is expensive, I’ll have to pass.
I don’t expect to be posting here myself again (hence the name of the post), but if Sabrina is willing (I am), I’ll ask her to make appropriate posts later as required by your requests, and to make replies to the comments here if needed.
In parting, I’d like you to please remember that I love you all.